Got Milk?

I think I am coming to the end of something that I thought would end a lot sooner then it has. Something that has taken a lot of time, emotion and dedication.
Before Jillian was born I decided I wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible. My goal: one month. I figured it would not work well and I probably would not have enough milk based on my mom. I figured I would try and thought that any milk that I did get was a blessing but I was not too attached to it.
After my C-section I insisted that they bring me Jillian right away (they wanted to wait an hour for me to rest, but the surgery had already taken a half hour longer then expected after her delivery). I knew from all my reading that if I was going to give breastfeeding the best shot I needed to start right away no matter how drugged I was or the pain I was in. I made all visitors wait and gave it a try. With help from the nurse she ate.
Jillian was born on a Friday night. The following Friday we went in to see the lactation consultant. Jillian had lost more weight then expected but with the assistance of a shield she was latching and eating, just it was coming back up. The consultant suggested that I pump extra milk and give her 15ml after each feeding to get extra calories in (If only I had known then the significance of 15ml bottles and how long they would last...). Jillian started to gain a little weight. I would pump throughout the day to have the 15ml bottles ready to go for her. After a while we backed off to her only getting "extra" milk a few times a day!
When Jillian went into the hospital the first time in February we started measuring her intake more along with the amount that came back out so I started nursing less and less to be able to make the measuring work. She went to see GI to follow up after the first hospital stay and they decided she was not making good weight gain and needed her bottles to have Alumentum added to give it extra calories. By the time Jillian went back into the hospital in March she was only nursing about once every few days and I was pumping the rest and giving it to her by bottle. Nursing at that point was really too messy too because she would puke while eating and both of us would need new clothes by the time she was done eating. Right before she went in for her second hospital stay was my last time nursing her. During that stay we put the NG tube in and everything became exact measurements.
Since then I have pumped milk around the clock for her. I have filled a small chest freezer and a good portion of our freezer with milk. I am easily about to get out over 50 OUNCES of milk a day and Jillian takes around 28 ounces a day. On top of the daily surplus there have been tests and hospital stays that have equated to large amounts of time without her "eating" and me still pumping.
I had looked into donating the milk but because Jillian is on a feeding tube and I take daily medication for asthma I am not able to donate. I looked into selling it but it is not really legal or illegal and I'm not hopping onto the gray market this week and the thought of meeting strangers to sell them my milk was kinda strange to me. If it was someone who needed it that I knew it would have been different.
So that brings me to now and what do I do now. I have debated back and forth about keeping pumping. This has been far more emotional then I thought it would be. For someone who was not all that attached to it before hand I have become very attached! But at the same time I am dumping milk everyday because I have no where else to store it. I even have an extra stash at my parents in-case we lose power. Pumping however dictates my life sometimes. I have to schedule things around it and try to squeeze it in and the pain sometimes of waiting too long is frustrating.
So I think I am going to let it go after Jillian's surgery. I dont want to have to bring frozen milk with us so I will keep pumping until she is out of the hospital and then ween down. My goal in nursing was to provide Jillian the best start to life I could and I think I have done that. Even though I will not have a fresh flow of milk she still has a chest freezer and part of our freezer to use up. We are estimating that will put her close to 10 months old, if not longer before she runs out of breast milk. At that point we will switch her over to formula.
I have missed a few times lately that I don't nurse her anymore, even though she always had to use a shield because she could not latch without it. I am glad however that she is not nursing now while she is teething. I guess one of the advantages of the tube. 
Man even as I type this I continue to have the debate in my head. The thought of what if the freezer dies? Remembering how much better her body seams to do the less formula we add to her milk and wondering what it will be like what she will be on just formula. The questions cycle my brain round and round. But on the flip side pumping is wearing me out. But at the same time it delaying a period is nice. But it takes physical time away from Jillian. I wish this was a completely cut and dry choice. I feel like both sides have merits, but what one is right? Does everyone struggle with this choice this much? I just want the best thing for Jillian and sometimes I am not positive what that is. Oh motherhood!