This is a picture of Jilli putting cup cake liners into the pan. I know it seams small and like an every day thing but tonight it made me smile.
If you know my grandma you know she is a good cook. For several years before I had the girls I was lucky enough to bake Christmas cookies with her. Growing up grandma made a different kid of cookie or candy for each step leading to the second floor. Baking is a way I bonded with her. If you are with my husband's boy scout troop you will know me by the name "Princess Cupcake" because when we were in high school (I met my husband the summer before high school when my brother joined the boy scout troop he was in) and we would do family scouting events I would always make cup cakes for everyone and thus got the nick name. I like to bake but cleaning up is a pain so I don't do it often anymore but at one point in my life I loved cake decorating and baking.
There is very little about the girl's needs that make me sad. I see their different medical devices as the best thing for them. Jilli's wheelchair helps her to be more free to move around the world. Her feeding tube helps her get the food she needs. Her oxygen helps her have the energy she needs to be a kid. Her leg braces help her walk. I see all of those things as help. I know how hard things are without those things so I am grateful for them.
When Jilli was really little I was sad for a very short time (probably a couple of days at most) about the fact that in my head that Jilli wouldn't want to learn to bake from me to pass down those traditions and because baking has been a part of me.
But as she has gotten older she has started to ask to learn how to bake. She is not interested in eating at all. We all know that the girls' tubes are amazing for them and honestly the thought of them eating gives me anxiety because I know how much that hurts their body. However she loves to pretend to cook. She loves to help me bake. She says she likes spending the time with mommy and she likes to be a big girl. She isn't sad she can't eat it but rather excited that other people get to enjoy something she made. While the rest of us are so focused on the end of a cupcake, she loves the making process and seeing other people happy.
So while she may not eat cupcakes she still loves to spend that time with me making them and that is all I had longed for... the time and memories. What I learned was that the actual eating of the cupcakes is not that big of a deal.
While the cupcakes were in the over Jilli went over and played in her play kitchen. We didn't buy her any play food until she asked for it. I wanted that to be up to her, but she enjoys playing with play food... the has funny names for things... its cute! Her favorite thing in her play kitchen is the play blender because that is how her food is made (we use a blender to make the girls' formula)
While Jilli and I were working on that (and Lydia was biting a teether... girl has mad cranky skills tonight!) Brent was on the phone with someone who called to ask for a small favor and was telling Brent about something going on in their life right now. The conversation was coming to a close and then I heard my hubby ask this other guy if he could pray for him and then he stopped right now and prayed for this other person. My heart fell more in love with him! If you knew him a few years ago this is not something he would have said. I love watching him grow in Christ!
Jilli also made me really proud today! I told her that after her birthday we were going to have move her little people toys to Lydia's play area because Lydia is hitting the point where she likes Little People and Jilli is moving on to playing with other things more and Jilli stopped and grabbed a bucket and started putting the Little People stuff in the bucket and brought it to Lydia because she knew she would love to play with it now and this way she could get her play area clean. Jilli's birthday is not for two more months! I am so proud of her!
Now back to debating politics and religion with my hubby... yes that is something we do at our house... no we don't agree on everything... but we always come from the foundation of loving people and that you don't have to fit into a category to be a valuable member of this country...
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