#metoo

My head has been debating this post for days. I wanted to have something productive to add to the conversation before adding my voice but this whole situation was a parenting reminder for me.

I sat last night talking to one of my best friends about some of our #metoo stories. I honestly don't  know anyone woman my age or older who doesn't have one+.

High school me was 5'11", 120lb and a DD. Comments about my chest size happened all the time. The first time I remember a guy saying things guys shouldn't say to a girl I was 12. By the end of high school I was rather use to guys making stupid comments or even being physically abusive when I don't don what they wanted (I had a guy one day walk up to me in gym class and tell me I was going to be having sex with him and when I said no he slapped me hard  enough across the face that you could still see his hand print hours later... eventually, hours later a teacher realized there was a bruise the shape of a hand on my face and the guy was suspended but he and his friend still met me at my locker after school threatening me to beat me up, thankfully screaming worked and people came running to save me). I have so many stories of crappy guys in middle and high school. An ex-boyfriend who shoved me into a lab table, classmates who made inappropriate comments. I remember once reaching out to a guy classmate as another guy was saying things I didn't appreciate and the other guy shrugged his shoulders without helping.

And the crazy thing was that I dated my now husband part of my freshman year of high school and we have now been together since our junior year of high school, I was not single a lot in high school and got married  in college. I was telling my friend last night night that I am one of the "lucky" ones because I never had to deal with college dating and bar scene. I was 19 when I got married to a guy who has never pulled any of the crap... ie guys, I married the guy that didn't treat me crappy.

Brent and I were talking about this in the car the other day. That thinking about the crap without a plan to do something positive is just reliving old hurts and that is not helpful.

I was a preschooler the first time someone of the opposite sex touched me in a way that wasn't right. The same age as my oldest and I will admit there has been a part of my that it was really hard for me when she became this age but I have a choice to make something good out of it.

So I sat with my friends last night (a family with two boys) and we talked about how we are going to make an impact for the next generation. Because often these things feel hopeless but God has gifted us the children that live in my home and the children that are around me to influence and I have a choice how I am going to use that influence. Here are some of the things we talked about:

-Our kids are likely going to have situations in their life that are not going to be the best, no matter the topic, but our job as parents is to limit those when possible. To set up boundaries to not knowingly or ignorantly put our kids in more crappy situations, life is hard enough all on its own, its my job to help when I can. Our kids might still be young but we are already having conversations about their technology use, cell phones, TV shows ect, but we need to have those conversations now so we have a plan. As a parent it is my job to set boundaries... my kids still need to have a life to live and wrapping them in bubble wrap and keeping them in the house isn't going to work...
-So I also need to teach them to have boundaries for others. I need to teach them what is right and what is wrong and what to expect from others. I need to teach them how to have a voice when something is wrong and who to go to. This is an area of parenting I need to work at more. My kids spend 99% of their life with me but it is not going to be that way forever so I need to give them the tools they need to help keep themselves safe and I need to work harder at that (if you have great book of TV show suggestions for stranger danger ect I would love to have a conversation in the comments about ideas)
-My friend has two boys and her comment was that it is her job to teach her boys the way they should treat others. That this "locker room" talk people keep talking about isn't something you join. That you treat women with dignity and respect as sisters in Christ.
-Our culture also over sexualizes kids, from clothing to entertainment, to things that are said to kids and my job as a parent is to help prevent that as much as possible. My kids are still young and I get a say in what they wear and watch ect but it is my job to teach them the why and that starts now.
-Brent and I had a conversation about how it is his job to show the girls how guys should treat them. We have had conversations about watching what we say in front of the girls, I don't mind if my husband says I have a nice butt but we need to watch how that is said so that the girls do not think it is ok for random guys to be commenting on their bodies. We need to teach them the difference about what is ok in a marriage and what isn't and it is our job to display a Christian marriage to our girls.
-We also need to love the kids around us that we have an influence on. I have taught a large diversity of kids and I have seen so many situations where kids are not being taught these things by the adults in their life and that perpetuates cycles and it is our job as a community to step up to the plate and help these parents and these children. Pointing the finger doesn't change things, actions do. Love does.

Being a parent is hard. Being part of a community is hard. But worth it and both gifts. We can make steps forward. This all isn't going to change over night, its a commitment for the long hall but I have faith that we can step up to the plate because I have seen people in generations before me do it and I see my generation stepping up. Lets support one another.

I might not be Wonder Woman but we can all work together as a community on this... and maybe we could start by sexualizing Wonder woman less... hmmm....