I have been really struggling with something and feeling really ashamed about it and then I realized this week that my shame wasn't needed and rather ridiculous.
I have started before that I have EDS. It is a connective tissue disorder. Connective tissues are in every party of your body and mine don't work right.
I will admit growing up I didn't take the best care of my teeth. I hate brushing my teeth. Nothing about it is enjoyable to me. I hate the taste of tooth paste and brushing makes me gag.
However as I have gotten older I have realized in life there are things that you have to do even though you don't like them.
I am having issues with my teeth breaking. It started when I was pregnant with Lydia and has continued when certain hormone levels are high. This is really frustrating. To the point right now that I don't want to eat because what happens is that I am chewing something, my jew dislocates and my mouth closes at an odd angle and teeth hit in spots they don't normally and then a tooth chips. My jaw dislocating is because of the EDS. Joint dislocation is a large part of EDS. Teeth breaking is another part of EDS because teeth are more brittle.
I have never had a great relationship with a dentist. The one I had when I was younger was fine and I didn't mind him. I tried on in college and I really liked the dentist but the hygienist was not kind. Once we moved here we switched to a dentist closer by. I really like the hygienist but the dentist gets mad at me when my jaw dislocates and there is nothing I can do about that. Trust me, I would rather my jaw didn't dislocate, it is painful, but not my fault. Chastising me about it is not going to fix anything and it got to the point where I was having intense anxiety about it. I don't have intense anxiety about almost anything else in my life and there are plenty of things I have in my life to be anxious about but this was to the point where I would think about going to the dentist and would start to cry. Thats not ok and life is to short for that. So I have found a new dentist that I am going to try but she couldn't get me in until the start of February but honestly waiting to get into her is better then going back to where I was.
My teeth are at a point right now where I don't want to eat out of fear of jaw dislocation and teeth breaking. That is not a good place to be. Growing up I was always the tall skinny girl and it was a part of my identity... well a lot of Prednisone later and I am no longer the size 4 I once was. I have tried counting calories before to try to loose weight but I will get to the point where I will try to see how little calories I can eat and that is not healthy so I deleted the calorie counting app on my phone because eating disorders are not something to mess around with and I don't want to go there so it is better for me to not have an app like that on my phone, but I worry about the fact that I am worried to eat right now and seeing weight loss (yes I would love a few pounds but safely), I don't want it to spin to an unhealthy place but I am also worried to eat much in fear of breaking my teeth.
I also know that my jaw is someplace that takes the hit when I am stressed. I clench my jaw when I'm mad and I know that doesn't help either.
But as I have been dealing with this I have felt really ashamed and I did some thinking yesterday and yes I should have taken better care of my teeth when I was younger, I take full responsibility for that, but I also started to think how important teeth are in our society. Watch TV for a little bit and you will see plenty of commercials for things to straighten your teeth, whiten them and all sorts of things. Good teeth is of high value in our society. I get it, we hold looks to a high standard here but I think what is missing in this conversation is what about when there are health factors that impact your teeth. Brent is one of the best people I know when in comes to oral hygiene... the guy is obsessed with flossing, however he has had to have a lot of dental work done because he has bad enamel. I have taught plenty of dental health weeks and they all talk about how if you take care of your teeth they will never break, you will never have a cavity and your teeth will sparkle... but what about when that is not true? I'm not against oral hygiene, but one of the reasons I dislike going to the dentist is because they are always on me because my gums bleed no matter how well I brush... well guess what, that can be normal with EDS... how can we balance the message so we teach kids to take care of their teeth but don't shame people for when they have dental problems, because honestly I have felt isolated about all of this and I have put off getting treatment out of the fear of being chastised by a dentist again. As I have gotten older I have realized that brushing your teeth is not was guarantees you no dental issues and by telling kids that if they brush they will have perfect is not true.
How can we change the narrative? How do we teach good dental health and teach that there is genetic issues that can occur with teeth just like any other part of the body and that its your job to take the best care of your teeth as you can but that if you have teeth issues that it is not something to be ashamed of?
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