Maybe disabilities make me a differently engaged mom

Last week we were at the playground. We had run to Milwaukee to get my TB test read (all good... wasn't worried lol) but since its an hour drive there we decided to do more then just have them look at my arm for a couple seconds. Brent met the girls and I and we got lunch together and the kids and I hit up Toys R Us to shop the deals (that worked out well for Lydi's birthday shopping!) and then we decided to stop at the accessible playground that is nearby.

By this point in the day I was tired! The girls had just sat in the car, cart and wheelchair all day so they were well rested but I had run all over. There was a mom sitting on the sides looking at a book and boy was I jealous of her! For us just letting the girls play free at the park is not an option, even at a wheelchair park. Ramps are steep, you can't push the merry go round while in a wheelchair, and someone needs to carry Lydia's oxygen... the park is a full work out for me. If we go to a non wheelchair park (which most by our house are) we have to have two adults because neither girl can carry their own oxygen around at a park... there is nothing restful about the park in my eyes.

However we go to parks because its good for the kids. Its good for their social development. Its good for their bodies to get out and moving. Its good for their lungs to get fresh air and sometimes that makes their lungs get a bigger breath in which they both struggle doing.

So I was a little grumbly inside my head for a minute looking at the mom sitting on the sides (I'm not judging her at all! I wanted to join her) but then I stopped...

What if the girls disabilities make me more engaged?

Thats not a question I had really thought about before.

But parenting two kids with special needs changed how I parent (my idea of my parenting pre kids vs reality... I don't know what it is like to parent kids without disabilities so this is all theory).

Before kids my thought was kids sleeping in their own rooms and going to bed on their own at night... both kids sleep in our room still and you have to hold Lydia until she falls asleep or she tried to do some serous self harm but disconnecting her tube and oxygen.  Neither of my kids sleep great either, Jilli gave up naps at a little over 2 and Lydia is not napping at least one day a week at this point so I have a lot more awake hours with them.

Both girls still sit in the cart at the store so I get time to talk with them while a typical 5 year old would be out of the cart.

Before kids my plan was to teach and now I am homeschooling. Now their education rests on my shoulders and that has weight to it and makes me seek out making everyday things educational.

Before kids I figured so many things, and actually having kids changes you. It changes your views on things because of your individual kids.
  

But as I was tired and wanting to sit on a park bench my mind drifted to thankfulness for the extra time I do get to spend with my kids. Lydia is almost 2 and Brent or I still get to hold her as she falls asleep most nights (which the melatonin is helping a lot!). We make it more of a point then I think we otherwise would have to do experiences with out kids because their time is a treasure.

I've held little hands in the hospital for hours on end and while I don't wish for them to need to be there or having those tests done, we do get a lot of one on one time there.

So maybe a good side effect of disability is more engagement with my kids then I might have had otherwise and I'll take extra time with my kids as a plus!