Those words typically came with lists of things like spa days and spending a day watching Netflix...
Neither of those things are really my style...
I don't love people touching me... and I get board too quickly for Netflix all day...
But what made me laugh was thinking about how I didn't feel like those things were an option.
When Jilli was little I was working 40 hours a week, filling a feeding pump every 4 hours around the clock and going to doctors appointments at least once a month (the reality was a lot more frequent) on top of several hospitalizations.
When did these people think I was taking a day for myself... I was drowning just living...
Life at this point is a little more stats quo to a degree...
We still fill feeding pumps every 4 hours around the clock... and now we do it times two...
We have oxygen lines all over the place and tons of meds a day...
The next few months are going to be CRAZY with medical stuff... and thats just the planned...
But here is what I have gotten better at...
finding little moments that bring me joy.
Tonight we are going to a super club (I know, how WI of us!). My brother and his girlfriend are in town from out of state and this super club is the place we go to celebrate big things in our family... but my brother has not been here since June and they leave tomorrow, so we are headed out tonight to have time with them and my parents.
In high school I use to do my hair and make up all of the time. I LOVED Sephora! I loved formal dances and dressing up.
There is not much in the life of a stay at home mom that requires dressing up. I get to for fundraisers and meetings at the hospital, but those are more business dressing up.
So this afternoon I gave the kids ipads (we had been playing grocery store together for about an hour before that) and headed upstairs...
Last Friday I tried to curl my hair for a wedding but found out that I don't own hairspray or a working curling iron (and I currently really dislike my haircut but I have a friend who is going to help with that! YEA!) so my mom and I were shopping at Target between the wedding and reception and I found a cheep curling iron and basic hairspray... nothing too fancy but just right...
I turned up the new Switchfoot Native Tongue songs that I got for digital download for Christmas before the CD comes out...
When in Disney I bought a Small World dress. I have been eyeing up the dress shop dresses for a long time and saving money... when we were there I almost didn't buy it because it is expensive and I kept rationalizing all of the other ways to spend my birthday money... my mom and Brent got a bit annoyed after watching me save up for it for two years. But I broke down and tried a dressing room full of Dress Shop dresses on and decided that I could justify the Small World one because I could wear it the most often (the black and white Mickey one was so adorable but not as versatile). The dress looks best with a petti coat however the ones there were expensive so I ordered one online and it came in the other day!
So I got dressed in my fun new dress...
The headed to the bathroom and curled my hair and put on some make up!
This was not some huge thing... honestly it is something that use to be normal to me... but it made me smile...
Some of the things that fill me up...
time with a cup of coffee even if that is enjoyed in craziness
making stove top cream of wheat
blogging
having meaningful conversation
enjoying yummy food
planning time at Disney (I am the spreadsheet type)
going for a walk
dinner with friends
wandering Target with my mom
The reality is that I do many of these things with my kids...
I don't think I would have ever been the parent who goes out often without my kids, that has never been my style... I love being around my kids... This year I turn 30 and its our 10 year wedding anniversary... we had a low key honeymoon because we were young and thats what we could afford and always dreamed of going to Disneyland Paris for our 10yr anniversary without kids... however here we are at that year... we have $0 saved and I wouldn't want to go there without the girls... so we will do something low key by home... we love this little restaurant named Spora close by so we will likely go there... and you know what... that is beautiful...
And a lot of that is perspective...
Something that also changed was me in the last 6 years...
I would look at those self care lists and think how it was not fair that some people got to do those things and I didn't.
But my heart has changed and I see the beauty in our life...
it doesn't look like a fairy tale...
I started She Reads Truth on January 1st and so far only this morning had the picturesque quite time with coffee and quite... the other day I listen to part of the reading in the car with the kids because that is when I had time between homeschooling and therapy... but that is beautiful too... my kids got to listen to the Bible... while often we would see trading a coffee quiet time for driving in the car listening as a downgrade, perspective shows that both have their benefits.
So lets all focus more on finding the beautiful in the every day and finding moments to make the everyday special...
because in the end that genuinely fills us
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