Today as I scroll through Facebook and Twitter and see everyone's New Year posts all I can think of is how 2018 felt heavy. I don't have an exact pinpoint to why last year felt heavy... but it did...
And honestly I feel like I am starting 2019 tired...
and you know what?
Thats ok...
There is no faking it needed...
Its ok to feel tired going into the New Year...
But tired does not mean a lack of joy.
We have a lot coming up...
We are at RMH for 2 weeks in January...
NIH for 2 weeks in Feburay...
Taking Jilli to her first real concert (thank you mom for surprising us with VIP passes for Christmas!) and Jilli's Make A Wish trip...
And then from there we already have at least 1 doctors appointment a month scheduled thru July...
The front end of our year feels very full and crazy... and honestly I have a good amount of anxiety about it all... how will we get it all done... I have very little control of a lot of situations... and there are a lot of unknowns...
But right now the back end of our year is rather empty and in our world that is a little scary lol...
Jilli has already started talking about her next birthday party lol but other then that there is not much planned...
But what I can do with last year feeling heavy and feeling tired going into this year is shape my choices in making some intentional choices...
1. Brent and I asked for the He Reads Truth and She Reads Truth devotionals for Christmas and we started them today. For the next 35 days we are going to be going through the book of Luke!
2. I also started 100 Days to Brave by Annie F Downs this morning. I love the That Sounds Fun podcast and the host of that podcast wrote this book.
3. I am going to try to be more intentional about cooking and what we are eating... the back end of 2018 was crazy so meals became whatever was fast with little planning and my waisteline and body can feel that needs to change. I am an all or nothing person when it comes to food... some days my gastroperisis is rough and I have to make myself eat and other days I could eat junk all day long... swinging from end to end is not great for me.
4. This year it is my goal to drink as much of my coffee Fair Trade as possible... if I value coffee enough for it to be something that I drink every day then I need to value it enough to pay the price so someone is not enslaved so I can drink it.
5. My goal is to continue to work on organizing and clearing out the house... clutter bothers me... and every room in our house has sooooo much more clutter then it needs to. Our goal is to sell our house once more student loans are paid off and we need to be making steps with purpose now and cleaning out this house and working on house projects have to be steps we take this year. We might be asking for help... we own new gutters but they need to be installed... as well as our bathroom has some dry wall but still has a lot of work... and several other house projects. I just feel bad about asking for help... partially because our house is far from organized so I feel bad asking anyone to help with anything and I always feel like people have so much to do and there are bigger things to be done in the world... maybe this is the year I work on working through those issues.
6. I have changed how often my phone dings at me with app and news notifications... I was feeling like I was owned by my phone and feeling a lot of stress about that... so I took control back... I didn't delete things... but I changed how often my phone is going off from different random apps. I also am trying to use my technology in purposeful ways... in 2018I started to listen to podcasts and I joined Twitter and found some new voices to listen to... I don't agree 100% with many of them... however they are making me think and that is powerful. I have always been a person who has sucked at shallow so I am loving the deep part of the world.
7. I am going to get back to editing. That feels heavy right now but I think what is making it feel the most heavy is not actually doing it and letting it get bigger in my head then it should be. I also need to calm the internal voice that just keeps saying I am not good enough to open that document again and I need to start praying for guidance instead.
8. I am excited to see the way the Lord lets me love others this year. Our Feeding Tube Awareness weeks fundraiser is going to look different this year because of our travel needs for the girls but I am excited to already be working on our first project of the year... if you want to team up on something let me know... one of my favorite things about 2018 was the fundraisers I was able to be a part of for organizations that mean a lot to us.
9. A very awesome person gave me a Christmas gift of time with some of my favorite people and while what we are doing is not on the calendar yet... I am SO excited for there to be a plan and for the thoughtfulness of my friend to gift me time with people in a way that will fill me up!
So those are some action steps I am taking... because just sitting in the heavy for too long pushes the light out and that isn't ok...
So here is to a New Year...
I might be tired...
but I am also excited!
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| Walmart has half off stuffed Aniamls in their Christmas clearance... these are PERFECT for RMH... I am happy to help drop off if you buy stuffed animals to donate |
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