It is no secret that I don't agree with many things going on in Washington DC right now. Its not that its Republican lead, I'm not against any party as a whole, I vote based on the candidate.
The more I am watching what is unfolding the more I am having anxiety. Its no question what is stressing me out the most, obviously it is the healthcare bill. Its not that I don't care about other things as I am following them as well but this healthcare bill makes me feel ill. The way they are doing it. You can think the way ACA was passes was right or wrong but that is in the past and done, what I care about is how people are acting now because you can spend all day saying "but they did _____" but that doesn't advance anything forward or look at your own actions. That just goes back to that plank and dust parable. If you spend all of your time whacking each other with the plank in your eyes that doesn't help anyone.
But this has lead me to deeper thoughts. I spent time praying about all of this last week and I just kept feeling God reminding me to be calm, that He holds the world and while that reminder is calming it sent more questioning as well.
See while I believe God has the whole world, I see the hurt. I know this will all be made right some day, but that doesn't mean that there is not pain today.
I have seen some Christians get defensive lately saying that people who are not on their team are not trusting that God has this all and that if we just sit back everything will be fine.
But I have lots of issues with that.
First we were not called to sit back and do nothing. If that is your view of Christianity please go read the Bible more. Start with the Great Commission. This lazy view of what a Christian is to do is not Biblical. The pray about it but never do or say anything is not Biblical either... you are confusing God with a genie if that is your view.... we are called to be hands on
Two the Republican party is NOT God's gift to man. Jesus is. Lets stop confusing that. America is not the Holy Land. There is nothing in the Bible about how America is better then any other country. We like to idolize our country. Before you tell me to leave or that I am ungrateful to live here, stop, I never said that. I am thankful I live in America. I am thankful for my opportunities, I also know that God made the whole world not just the part of it that is under the US Constitution and when we act like we are the one and only we act like a spoiled brat and put ourselves higher then God and idolize the American way. Every political system and person in politics is made up of sinful people.
I see in practical ways how this bill could directly hurt my kids. Because while yes a hospital has to provide stabilizing medical care in an emergency, it is not free and they are not obligated to do other non emergent care after you have been discharged if you are not paying them. I have heard multiple times recently from representatives in our country lately stating the law that emergency rooms can't deny you care do to lack of insurance but they are confusing that with the fact that most things are not a one stop to the ER once and they are fixed. They also seem to think that just because you were treated in the Er doesn't mean there will be a bill, trust me as someone who's local children's ER knows their family... they send bills!
So how does this get back to the title of this post? I am wrestling with know the end of the story but watching the hurt now.
I don't struggle with why my kids have medical needs, that is part of broken DNA from a broken world. I don't blame myself or anyone else in a direct "this is your fault." I'm not upset that they need feeding tubes to eat. I get annoyed when pumps don't work right, but the tube itself I see as amazing. I'm not mad that Jilli needs oxygen, I see how much it helps her. I get frustrated with med supply and how they supply the oxygen but not the root need. Its the preventable circumstances that frustrate me. Its when people don't do their jobs and puts my kids at risk. I don't ask "why us" in all of this because I see that everyone in the world has hard things in their life.
I am struggling with God's sovereignty right now. I am struggling with watching a healthcare bill that will hurt kids like mine and knowing God says that in the very end it will all be ok, but right now I can see how some people's actions will kill people. I struggle watching the wars going on in this world (go watch the Vox video done recently about the man made famines happening because of war right now) I see people suffering and dying because of a group of people's horrible choices. I know God is here in the midst and I know it breaks His heart to and I know the world is broken, but my heart hurts because some people choose to add to the broken.
I know as I wrestle with this all that I will come out a stronger Christian. I know my foundation, I know the people around me who I can wrestle this with and who will point me back in the right direction, I know I am in a Church that teaches the truth instead of the American gospel... but right now this is hard. Its weighing on my heart. Its not a right vs left thing for me (although the divide does no one any good... if you are voting for a team instead of American you are voting to sink the ship) this is a people thing.
And this is a salvation thing... because while I know my support system, I know many others are not in those same situations. I know there are people RIGHT NOW who are walking away from the church because of the American church's response to holding the republican party above God. This is their eternity and for some reason we seem to be just as ok with that as we are with prosperity gospel preachers... we turn our eye, we joke about it in inner circles, but we don't care about the people it is causing to go astray. We don't have the lost sheep attitude, we have the "if they were a good person they wouldn't walk away in the first place attitude" and that pushes people away.
So yes, I am struggling. In the end I will be better for it... but what can we all do to help? I first encourage you to learn about medicaid. Every state has something called "Family Voices" which does disability advocacy work and they have a lot of great facts and information on their facebook pages. I follow both Wisconsin's and Indiana's and those two facebook pages would be a good place to start. Once you learn about it more I challenge you to say something, Lydia doesn't have a voice in all of this but this massively effect her healthcare. Next I challenge you to find active ways to be a light. Help kids, donate your time, cut out a cup of coffee a week and help worn torn countries, work at a homeless shelter, help refugees, do something to do good in this world, the world has enough evil and enough apathetic people... be different. Speak truth.
ps: on the healthcare debate, I don't see it as a two different philosophical ways at looking at a problem, there are other issues in government where I can see that everyone wants the same goal to fix a problem and see different ways of what each side thinks is best, however with this fight there are people who honestly whole hardheartedly believe infants with medical needs should not get care because it costs them money (either in insurance prices or tax dollars). There are people in DC that see my kids as a drain on the economy. There are also people that say if a family is too poor to pay medical bills then the person should die because that is how true capitalism works or the family should work harder ignoring the other things that go into it (me working right now does not financially work out as it would cost more in medical costs because of how hard viruses hit my kids, it saves money me not working but this is often overlooked when people make this argument). I can't look past what members of congress have said recently. I can't pretend that this is just two ways with the same goal of best helping families like mine, because that is not the real goal for many people. I agree healthcare needs work... I am fighting for a wheelchair for a 4 year old! But with this mindset you are only going to see an attempt at slashing services to save money. My dad taught me that only spending what you need to spend is wise, however he also said that if you go so cheap that in the long run it costs you more or cause you more headaches then really you were just stupid instead of wise.
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