Proud momma

Jilli is having a hard muscle day. She is struggling to stand and walk and off and on sitting has been hard today. She has days like this. Her muscles have good and bad days, it is just a part of her disorder. 

Today is Sunday and Sunday mornings we go to church. We have gone to the same church all my life. My mom grew up there, my grandparents go there and my great grandparents went there too. 

This morning Brent was doing sound so he got there really early and was up in the sound booth during service. 

Jilli was in her stroller when we came in. People would say hi to her and she just looked past them. Not normal for her. 

We got into service and she was sitting in her stroller hanging out. During the start of the sermon about worship (reminded me of the Jon Forman song "instead of a show") her pump errored so I fixed that and she wanted to be held. She got a little fussy so I took her out and walked with her (I held her). We came back into service and then she got fussy again and my mom took her to walk. She was falling a lot and struggling to walk. 

They came back in during the first song. Jilli loves music. She came in and stood on the floor. 

That little girl sung her heart out. Not the right words... Not the right tune... But she was worshiping. She was dancing and singing and clapping. It was the most authentic worship I have seen in a long time. She could care less what other people thought or if she was singing "right." A couple minutes in she fell over backwards while singing. 

Her body was exhausted at this point. Her legs were struggling to hold her up but she was determined. She leaned up against a chair and continued singing. Her body was not going to stop her from worship. 

By the third song I was holding her. The song went:

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, just that name. 

She sang Jesus over and over and best she could. It sounded nothing like how everyone else was singing but it was the most beautiful sound. She was trying her best and having to work hard at singing Jesus but it was beautiful. 

Why so beautiful? Because it was so authentic. When was the last time you worshipped past your legs being able to hold you? I know personally worship culture is to stand still snd sing in key and not to be out of place but what if we let it all go? What if we gave it our all? 

I cried as I watched my little girl worship... Why? Cause she is a lot more real then I let myself be. Sometimes we all need a child to remind us of what it is like to have faith like a child. 

Leaned up against a chair with her hand out and singing