I’m
sitting on the floor looking at a card of kindness I feel so
undeserving of... I didn’t do anything for this person to write a kind
note to me, yet here I sit reading it.
Ever have those times in your life where you look back and see who you were and how much you have changed? Sometimes we can get grumpy about those changes but sometimes we can be thankful.
I see how God has helped mold my heart into being more thankful. I am a doer which can often lead to be getting confused for me thinking I deserve things because I do things or that I’m a “good” person. It can get easy to fall into the society trap of feeling like if I do good then things should be easy, we like to make life into a formula.
If we are honest this is a lot of our disagreement in politics... we think that someone else is getting something that we deserve... I see a lot of the complaints about things like Medicare, Medicaid and food stamp... often it is middle class people saying that they work hard therefor they deserve to have everything they want but think it is unfair that they have to take a cut to help other people that they view as lazy... we (I say we because there was a time in my life where I struggle with this) without knowing the people or the stories... we just see ourselves and what we think we deserve.
It would drive me crazy when people would say in a general sense that gratefulness equates with happiness because I thought I was grateful but yet could find so many things quickly to be ungrateful for... I’m a realist which means it can be easy to tip me in either direction.
But I’ve seen my heart shift change. I’ve seen how I can be grateful for things that make other people scratch their heads.
Gratefulness became unattached to the transactional western form of gratefulness and more towards a more grateful for life in general.
I don’t have some great three step plan for this... what life has taught me is that life isn’t about formulas. I’ve read some books, listened to some podcasts... but this was God, not me.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t get surly about things still... and sometime it’s silly things... but I see now that when unexpected blessings happen I’m surprised and deep down grateful because it’s not about me, I’m just in awe of what He is doing and in turn that makes me want to be available to bless other... it becomes not about works and applause but instead about being His hands and feet.
This season we have been in the last few months has been hard... really one of the harder seasons we have walked through... but I see His provision through it even when I wasn’t noticing it at the time. It’s not a good canceled out the bad thing... it a love in the midst thing. It’s a sitting here still in the midst of the hard and wondering why God loves me so much thing (and struggling that I don’t always see His provision for others in the same way as I do in my own life because I know the details of mine and highlight reals of others... but also knowing full well there is very very real suffering in this world that shatters my heart... which I’m sure my feelings about it is just a small fraction compared to His but I struggle to rationalize that).
I can push this to the other end... I can get grouchy with God for providing in ways that I could not have earned or deserved... trust me I am aware how messed up that it... but it doesn't make it less true... I have been skeptical of things I feel like I can not earn.
This person who wrote this card didn't know our AC went out this week... they didn't know that we had a really rough appointment last week... they didn't know that I got MRI results back last night... they were just love! I want to steward my blessings well so that I can be love to others even when I don't know all the details of what is going on... and I have messed up at this and will mess up at it the future, but yet God still has given me His love.
I don’t have this all right, and I am sure I will need to keep learning this lesson until I die, but I’m thankful for where He has brought me on this journey so far.
Ever have those times in your life where you look back and see who you were and how much you have changed? Sometimes we can get grumpy about those changes but sometimes we can be thankful.
I see how God has helped mold my heart into being more thankful. I am a doer which can often lead to be getting confused for me thinking I deserve things because I do things or that I’m a “good” person. It can get easy to fall into the society trap of feeling like if I do good then things should be easy, we like to make life into a formula.
If we are honest this is a lot of our disagreement in politics... we think that someone else is getting something that we deserve... I see a lot of the complaints about things like Medicare, Medicaid and food stamp... often it is middle class people saying that they work hard therefor they deserve to have everything they want but think it is unfair that they have to take a cut to help other people that they view as lazy... we (I say we because there was a time in my life where I struggle with this) without knowing the people or the stories... we just see ourselves and what we think we deserve.
It would drive me crazy when people would say in a general sense that gratefulness equates with happiness because I thought I was grateful but yet could find so many things quickly to be ungrateful for... I’m a realist which means it can be easy to tip me in either direction.
But I’ve seen my heart shift change. I’ve seen how I can be grateful for things that make other people scratch their heads.
Gratefulness became unattached to the transactional western form of gratefulness and more towards a more grateful for life in general.
I don’t have some great three step plan for this... what life has taught me is that life isn’t about formulas. I’ve read some books, listened to some podcasts... but this was God, not me.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t get surly about things still... and sometime it’s silly things... but I see now that when unexpected blessings happen I’m surprised and deep down grateful because it’s not about me, I’m just in awe of what He is doing and in turn that makes me want to be available to bless other... it becomes not about works and applause but instead about being His hands and feet.
This season we have been in the last few months has been hard... really one of the harder seasons we have walked through... but I see His provision through it even when I wasn’t noticing it at the time. It’s not a good canceled out the bad thing... it a love in the midst thing. It’s a sitting here still in the midst of the hard and wondering why God loves me so much thing (and struggling that I don’t always see His provision for others in the same way as I do in my own life because I know the details of mine and highlight reals of others... but also knowing full well there is very very real suffering in this world that shatters my heart... which I’m sure my feelings about it is just a small fraction compared to His but I struggle to rationalize that).
I can push this to the other end... I can get grouchy with God for providing in ways that I could not have earned or deserved... trust me I am aware how messed up that it... but it doesn't make it less true... I have been skeptical of things I feel like I can not earn.
This person who wrote this card didn't know our AC went out this week... they didn't know that we had a really rough appointment last week... they didn't know that I got MRI results back last night... they were just love! I want to steward my blessings well so that I can be love to others even when I don't know all the details of what is going on... and I have messed up at this and will mess up at it the future, but yet God still has given me His love.
I don’t have this all right, and I am sure I will need to keep learning this lesson until I die, but I’m thankful for where He has brought me on this journey so far.
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