Brown and Pink Polka Dots : Grateful

I was laying in bed last night after a really long day thinking about how grateful I was.

When I was 17mo old my dad got me a doll for Christmas. He went out and picked it out himself at ToyRUs (😭) and gave it to me for Christmas (he has also bought each of my girls a special doll, that is who Lydia's Bitty Baby came from). It was my top Christmas gift that year and I tried ripping it out of the packaging. I slept with that doll through high school (no shame in that). The doll's name is Stuckhead because thats what toddler me named her. I remember middle school and high school me looking at my doll and longing one day to be a mom (seriously prayed about being a mom and for my future children while in high school). I once did a horrible devotional (with a name along the lines of the hardest x amount of days, looking back I know I was wanting to grow spiritually but this book was probably an unwise choice) that was about not having anything before God, which is a good idea however its practice it had some issues and assumed that everyone has the same roadblocks to that happening. One of the days what to get rid of your childhood security object... I cried, my parent stepped in and took the devotional because the saw the book was actually creating a much larger roadblock for me then my doll ever had. I still have my doll today, she is in the guest bedroom in my wooden doll cradle. I don't look at her often anymore, but she still makes me smile.

As I laid in bed last night Lydia was curled up next to me. Her body is still fighting from the pneumonia and ear infection, although she is getting better each day. I put my arm around her like I did for so many years with my doll and was so thankful. God has always known the longing on my heart to be a mom, He made me, and in that moment I was so thankful to Him for the blessing of getting to be a mom.

The past few days have not been easy between the ER, having a sick kid at home, a second kid looking for attention too and in the mix of redoing our front entry way, life has been crazy and by last night I was worn. Lydi's tummy was bugging her from the meds and she couldn't get comfortable and I just wanted to sleep but as I put my arm around her my heart refocused.

Despite every challenge I am still thankful to be Jillian and Lydia's mom. I am thankful that God blessed me to be their mom and I don't take that lightly. I am thankful that God granted me the longing of my heart. I am thankful for two of the most wonderful girls!

Today on the drive to therapy I listened to The Faith Angle about being grateful despite all that is happening in the world and how that changes our world view. It was a great reminder to the value of a grateful heart.

So today I am grateful. I'm grateful for my kids.I am grateful that the meds are helping Lydia. I am grateful that enough of our medical records came in for me to send them out to NIH. I am grateful for our oxygen delivery driver who despite hitting a tree with his first truck today still came to our house in the sleet (it looked like dippin dots were falling from the sky) to deliver oxygen to the girls. I am thankful for our therapists who worked hard with the girls. I am thankful for the community around us that walk with us in life.

Im grateful for the 3 hour nap Lydia just took while not on me because I was able to get SO much done (this is very very rare!). I was able to finish the application to try to get Jilli and adaptive bike and work on some stuff for NIH and blog, all things that went much faster while Lydia napped!

Me opening Stuckhead

Me and Stuckhead after my ear tube surgery. I don't remember this however this photo is in my photo album from my childhood which my parents kept in our living room so I looked at it often as a child. This photo influenced my choosing to volunteer with Tubie Friends because my parents talk about how much it meant to me to have Stuckhead dressed in hospital clothes and for her to go back into surgery with me and I want to give that joy to other kids