But packing tonight is more emotional. This week Jilli heads into the OR for the 8th time in her little life. I would be lying if I said it got much easier. In some aspects it does, I have not been stressing over it for weeks like I did for her first few, honestly when pre-op called on Thursday I had forgotten I was expecting them to call that day. When pre-op called they said they recognized the name and knew we were frequent visitors so they would just go over what they needed... they are right between the two girls this is trip 10 into the OR in four years... we know the drill.
But knowing the drill doesn't make my head stop. I'm not sure why it started hitting on the way home today but it did and as I packed the girls clothes I had to work to keep myself together. I don't know why but one of the things that bothers me the most while they are in the hospital is that they are not wearing their own clothes and if you look at Lydia's first hospitalization pictures she spent as much time as she could in her own pajamas instead of the gowns. Jilli loves the gowns and gets excited for the bears in space ships but for some reason for me I have a hard time with them not being in their clothes. I know it is probably weird.
I know this surgery is not a huge deal... I sat with a friend a few months ago for many hours while her baby had brain surgery and in comparison this is so small but I know with Jilli thing are more complex then just the typical. That is why we will be spending a minimum of 24 hours after discharge at RMH because her teams feels it is best to keep her close in case any complications happen after discharge which Jilli has had before. It makes my heart rest a little more knowing we will be close after in case we need it.
I know she needs this. She asked the other day if we could do it sooner. I know she is also nervous. She has been really sweet the past two days. It is like her little body has calmed now that Nate is back in the state. We also did a sticker chart for bed time again because that needed some behavior correction and thankfully she responds great to simple sticker charts. We also moved the time we hook the girls up from 10pm to 9pm to see if that helps her get to sleep better and it is helping a little some nights so I think we will keep it this way for now. We all need more sleep around here so if moving that up helps us all get a half hour more sleep then that is what we need to do.
Today we headed to the Smith's so Brent could help unpack stuff and get things out of the storage they had here for all of the things they had at RMH. While he helped with that Stacy and Caroline joined Jilli and I for zoo class. The class today was great and the girls had a lot of fun. The teacher was great and it she made me miss teaching. It was good to spend time with Stacy too. After zoo class Stacy and Caroline headed home and Jilli and I went to Smiths. Lydia was in a mood today! We went and got subs for dinner and then we headed home. Tomorrow after church we are headed to Ikea to get living room furniture for Smiths.
So if you see me the next few days and I am kind of out of it, this is why. My head is still angry about the therapy situation, my heart is still worried while we wait on word about the wheelchair and my mind is anxious about this week. I know in time we will talk through each of those things. I know God is here to hold us through it all and that we have amazing people around us but sometimes it is just one step in front of the other... but right now at 10:14pm my head would like to go to sleep... hopefully my neighbors stop lighting off fireworks soon...
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