Lets lay down some ground info here... I am a Christian... have been my whole life... attend church most Sundays... at my birthday party there were multiple people who were on staff at a wide range of churches... I don't hate church. Christians, ect...
So let me explain what happened today...
I was sitting in a food court at the mall with my mom and two kids. My mom and I were sharing a plate of Bourbon chicken, Jilli was coloring and Lydia was playing on her iPad. My mom and I were having a conversation about a Christian podcast which turned into a conversation about dreams and theology. If you were eavesdropping on our conversation you would have known that we are Christian. We were not having this conversation in public to be showy, it was just natural conversation.
A woman and her two kids walked up and to our table and stared at us until I looked up. They asked if they could pray for the kids. I took a deep breath... this has not always gone well when people have asked this in public, in fact it rarely has, but I try to give people a shot. I asked Jilli if that was ok with her since they were asking to pray for her (I don't think they noticed Lydia's oxygen too). Jilli said sure. The woman then asked if she could touch Jilli and Jilli said no... thankfully she asked first and she respected the no.
But then the prayer went like so many public prayers have gone before... it asked God for my kids to be normal. Man I hate that word... that word is so often used as a weapon at my kid, she HATES that word because people always use it to point out her differences, and the ways she is not "normal." The whole prayer was super showy in the middle of this food court. And the whole thing was about all the things "wrong" with my kid...
But here is the thing... this person didn't know what was "wrong" with my kid because she didn't ask. There was NO attempt to get to know us. There was barely any chit chat.
This person ONLY saw my kid as a problem...
A good deed she could publicly pray for.
I am a Christian and it felt icky!
I have been in Christian circles long enough that I have a feeling that now it is going to be a boasting about the sick little kid she prayed for in the mall because while these situation are often talked about what the person did for the sick kid, its almost always really about the person praying and as the person being prayed for that is felt!
We have had one or two public prayer situations that didn't go this way but that is rare. Most times I feel icky after these situations. Today I wanted to cry but not in a good way... in a hurt way. The thing is that this has happened so many times that when she started praying out loud I started silently praying that the words that came out of her mouth did not hurt my kid.
I am not against public prayer.
But it gets a bit exhausting to have this keep happening.
After they prayed they walked away right away. We were the only family they approached. I asked some of my friends who's kids don't use a wheelchair or have oxygen and NONE of them have EVER had this happen. I get that what society views as our "stuff" is very visual but I am not sure why that means this yucky situation has to keep happening. The things that are hardest for our family often isn't the visual things you see, but these people never stop and ask how they can pray for us. It is often also done with a level of "we are more spiritually along then you" or its assumed often that we are not a Christian but they NEVER ask. Apparently because I have two medically complex kids I can't have a relationship with God... thats horrible theology!
I feel like one of the things God is asking of me is to help change the conversation about how people that are medically complex are viewed by society because our current "Christian" view often sees people as less then. We are still stuck in Old Testament thoughts.
Once again, I am not against praying for people, but here are some of the things I am wrestling with...
-When this happens it often feels like the prayers Jesus was talking to the pharisees about, they kept praying on street corners and making a big deal about it... today felt like a show
-We need to build relationships with people. We need community. My friends know how to pray for me and I know how to pray for my friends. I know the heart things not the surface society level things to pray for them. At least have a semi conversation with someone before asking to pray for them otherwise the person feels like a token.
-I fully believe that God can use all sorts of things for His good... but I also think that sometimes His people get so focused on good deeds that they miss things and other people. I am sure this person had good intentions, I am not questioning that, but somehow they also got the message somewhere that this was ok, and it just feels like a really shallow showy Christianity. I am not questioning that this person loves Jesus... I am sure that is their motivation but sometimes we loose people in the goal of evangelism.
-Sometimes we have a very western view that "I am the perfect person to come in and solve this situation" because we often see the gospel with a colonization mindset even when we don't know that we are viewing it that way. Sometimes it is hard to pull apart the gospel and the American lens.
-I also know that some churches really view my kids as less then. Some churches kick people out if they pray for a family like this and the family is not "healed." Often these churches only care about someone's physical health and not at all about metal and spiritual health. There are so many people who don't feel like they can go into a church because of their medical needs and by that we are selling the gospel short.
-I don't see this as how Jesus approached people
-if the only way my children hear people pray for them is listing all that is “wrong” with them to God then maybe my kids will start to think that is how God views them too if that is how His Church views them
-I think that just because I have two kids with special needs doesn't mean I shouldn't also get to eat a lunch with my family calmly... just like everyone else
-It pisses me off when people only see my kids for their medical needs... they are SO much more. They are amazing people. Please don't sell them short.
-We have people all over that pray for us, people from many different denominations, this is not a "my way is the only way to do things" issue, this is a people and heart issue. This is one person's words during prayer hurting another person.
I don't have a great wrap up here... maybe a plea that this stops happening like this... maybe an ask to have this conversation with other Christians you know... because if this is hard for me, imagine how it feels to someone who doesn't know Jesus.
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