traditions

I wrote a blog post HERE last year about Christmas traditions and I was thinking last night about how much I have grown as a person over the years.

See I was a very crabby person when our church stopped singing Silent Night holding candles on Christmas Eve several years ago. It broke my tradition. How I celebrated Christmas. I am a tradition person.

A couple of weeks ago Jilli was sitting on the couch playing and looked up at me and asked if she was in the hospital for Christmas if we could find her a small Christmas tree to have in her hospital room. This was a very matter of fact thing, like she was asking me to add something to the grocery list.

See Jilli has spent 2 major holidays either in the hospital or just having been sick this year (she missed her therapy Halloween party so in her mind she missed Halloween even though she loved the party at rmh) Jilli has also been very sick on Christmas before. She understands that she might spend Christmas in the hospital, it is not what any of us want and something we will all work hard to avoid, but something that might happen in her world.

Jilli is a planner. And she likes to have things set in place. After hospitalizations once she is better able to communicate again she often tells us things we could do to make the next time better and thankfully each time we are getting "better" at it. Her asking for a Christmas tree didn't really have any emotion behind it, she just knows she likes Christmas trees (she is voting for ours to be up already) and she knows if she is in the hospital for Christmas she would like a Christmas tree in her room, a very practical request. A very small request... she didn't ask if she would still get gifts, she just asked for a decoration.

So to help her feel ready we bought her a little chia like Christmas tree that we could "grow" if she ends up in some year over Christmas. She said she feels better about Christmas know knowing she is prepared.

No two Christmas has been the same in her little world. Traditions change. We have sadly lost some family members since she was born who we use to celebrate Christmas with. She had the flu one year for Christmas. Things have been different every year. That is kind of the nature of our life.

And I realized the other day that I am at peace with that. That traditions changing don't sting like they once did. Don't get me wrong, I still love so many of our Christmas traditions...

But Jilli has really reminded me about the true meaning of Christmas. A baby in a manger... no tradition to that. No one wishing him Merry Christmas. That its not the events and activities that make it Christmas, but the celebration of an amazing birth and sharing that message with others.

I hope we are able to do all of our Christmas plans this year, but even if we don't thats ok. I have learned to let go. I have been given peace about the things that use to stress me out or make me mad. I have learned that my Christmas celebration is not tied to anyone but Jesus and that is a gift.

And I see my girls, and all of the lessons they have taught me just by being them. The ways God has used them to change my heart. The ways I have learned to love more, serve more, stress the ordinary less, and just be content more.

This Christmas I am thankful for that baby, but I am also thankful for the ways God has helped me to let go of things that got in the way of me remembering what Christmas is all about.