See lately I have gotten the question at church multiple times... the "oh are you new here?" question. And while most of the time I shake that question off, lately it has stung a little.
See I'm not new at my church. I started attending when I was about a week old. My mom has attended there all of her life, my grandparents attend there and so did my great grandparents. I am related to more people in the church then most people realize as many of my family members attend. See I kinda stopped being new there a long time ago.
Now see this question tends to come up when our church is growing. Having been in the same church all of my life I have seen it through many time periods and have watched it outgrow church buildings and have to build a new one and then expand (good problem). Actually being asked this question is a sign of church growth and that is healthy (although I really don't encourage asking people this question)
But see in the past I have always been able to say no, I'm not new I do ________ around here. I grew up as a church kid. I acted and sang in church musicals from the time I was 5 until I was a Senior in high school. I started running the slides for the Saturday night worship service when I was in 5th grade and when I transitioned to the middle/high school service I ran that ministry for years. I started teaching the 3 year old Sunday School class when I was in middle school. When I was in collage I taught the middle school girls class. I've been on more mission trips, conferences, retreats, ect then I remember. There were weeks I spent more time at church then my house. I grew up in the church building and the church helped to raise me.
But right now I'm not involved in anything other then showing up on Sunday mornings. I started attending MOPs this fall and Brent and I did a Bible study last spring, but really I am rather uninvolved. So when this question has been asked of me several times recently it really kicked me, not because I need people to know who I am like I am someone that everyone should know, but instead it has been a reminder of how involved I once was and am currently not.
I pulled back in serving when I was pregnant with Jillian. During collage Brent and I were involved with campus ministry at UW Whitewater and served on the leadership team for Navs. I got pregnant right after we graduated so I had not jumped back into doing as much at church. I was really sick when I was pregnant with Jilli and so I needed to step back from a lot of things. Then Jillian was born and the past 3 1/2 years have been a roller coaster. Add Lydia on top and our daily life is a mix of cork screws and loops.
I have really done some thinking with this, some deep reflection... I was feeling a mix of guilt and shame that I am not involved more right now. I grew up in a house were service at church was instilled in us and I also know the statistics of how many people attend church but do no service at all and its always been my goal to not been in the non serving part of that statistic.
But right now I can't do more. I am one of the flakiest people at plans right now. All plans are tentative in our world. The girl's health comes first. Just like a few weeks ago when we dropped everything and lived in the hospital for the week. Weeks like that are going to continue in our world... it is just our reality. We do what we can when we can, but especially now as we head into illness season we end up missing more things. This is part of living a medical life.
But what God has revealed in this time is that I do have a ministry right now... even though it does not look like it did when I was younger. While I might not be teaching a room full of 3 year olds, I am holding the hand on one very special 3 year old during worship. While I may not be running slides, I take care of the girls so Brent can run sound.
But in addition I think that it is our job to use our circumstances to help those around us. God works all things together for good, but that verse does not mean that magically everything is sunshine and daisies, but rather God uses the circumstances that we are in for good. While I have had a heart for kiddos with medical needs for a long time (that goes back to my teaching Sunday school days and one very special little boy) it is different when you are in it. Explaining the weight of being a medical mom is hard. Explaining the time it takes every week to run to all the appointments and therapies, and deal with insurance, and research, and all the 100s of other parts that are just our normal is hard to convey. Brent will even tell you with as involved in the girls care as he is that he does not even know all the pieces that go into it.
God has given us the gifts of these girls but we also have life experiences now that we didn't have before and now we can use them to love on others. I can relate to other medical moms. So as I was wrestling with my ministry, I realized that I do have a ministry right now and that is loving on others. Loving on my girls and taking care of them the best I can is a ministry. Loving and supporting other families that are also on medical journeys is a ministry. This week is lighter on medical stuff for the girls, just therapy on Monday, Lydia's 4mo appointment on Wednesday and a GI weight check on Friday, but in the time between we are spending our time loving on other families who are about to have a long week medically. Through this blog, facebook and staying at Ronald McDonald House we have been able to meet other medical families and they are such a huge support for me, and I am blessed to be in relationships with them where they support us and we support them. Last I checked supporting and loving on one another is what we have been called to do.
So no, right now my name is not on any volunteer list, maybe it will be again someday, but for now I still have a ministry... it just looks a little bit different, but in a way it looks just the same. I'll keep loving others and letting God shine through me!
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| This is a picture of me when I was about 15yr old. I was in a really cool musical with a lot of awesome people at church. You can't really tell from this picture but I had red hair extensions in, this is still probably one of my favorite musicals I was in... I wonder if there is still video out there of it! |
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